Dear Coleen – ‘I don’t trust my boyfriend but should I dump him?’

Dear Coleen

I’m worried my boyfriend lies to me, but I have no proof.

We’ve been together for two years, but we have our own flats.

Recently, he’s been talking a lot about one of the women he works with, to the point where I said jokingly, “Maybe you should go out with her instead!”

He’s also been staying late in the office and going out for drinks with his colleagues when he could never be bothered to before.

Last Friday night we were supposed to be going out, but he called with some excuse and then I couldn’t get hold of him for 24 hours. He told me he was hungover and couldn’t face speaking to anyone.

To add to all this, we hardly ever have sex any more – when I initiate it, he often says he’s too tired. And when we do go out to a bar or restaurant, he’s always eyeing up other women.

I keep giving him the benefit of the doubt when I know I should just leave him. But I don’t actually have any proof that he’s up to something.

What do you think I should do?

Coleen says

Whether he’s been sleeping with this woman or not doesn’t alter the fact that he’s not treating you well, he’s not behaving like he wants to be in the ­relationship and you’re miserable. It sounds as if he’s disengaged.

During my first marriage I had plenty of signs about what my other half was up to, but no actual evidence.

When I eventually found the proof two years later I was thrilled for about two minutes, then I felt annoyed with myself that I’d wasted so much time being unhappy.

I don’t know whether he’s been cheating, but he doesn’t sound committed, loving or respectful and you deserve better. And at no point in your letter have you said you love him and want to make it work.

Also, the physical side of your relationship is non-existent.

You don’t trust him and if every time he’s out of sight you panic that he’s cheating, that’s a very stressful way to live your life.

If you end things and he realises he’s made a huge mistake, he’ll then fight to win you back and make an effort to explain his behaviour.

Just be prepared that if you leave him, you might find a few people come forward confirming your suspicions and telling you that you did the right thing.

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